What makes a city likeable?

Over the past six years I have lived in five different cities ranging from a population of approximately 10,700 to 2,099,450. Each time I have moved, someone has asked me “how do you like insert city?” Most of the time I just say it is okay. What do they want me to say?

When I think about the cities I have enjoyed the most, the city itself has little to do with it. Malls, clubs, cultural events, et cetera have very little to do with how I have felt about a city. It has always been about the relationships I was able to build that made my time in a particular place enjoyable. I look forward to visiting certain cities because that’s where my friends live and we had fun doing some of everything.

There are some places I dread going to, such as my hometown, because I don’t have close friendships with anyone there. Some people who get excited about going home but that is not me. As long as I can talk to my mom when I want to I am satisfied.

Recently I moved to the capital city of my home state and I have not been impressed to stay. Mostly because I haven’t built the type of friendships (or any at all) I had in other cities. Starting from scratch with relationships is probably the toughest part about moving around but that doesn’t deter me. I have my sights on a new city in the near future. Hopefully I will meet some Cajuns and Creoles that will welcome me and I will fall in love with a city!

Can you be single and share a home with your family?

This morning on CBS This Morning I saw a new story about extended families living under one roof. There is a builder in Florida who specializes in homes that house multi-generations. The grandparents have their own private suites.

I think it is an awesome idea. It cuts down on bills, travel, and support plus everyone still has their privacy. (The grandparents had their own entrance from outside to their suites.) I have always thought that my mother would live with me once I settle in a place, well if that ever happens. However, does the idea work for single adults? Wouldn’t they just be considered living at home with their parents?

I read a post the other day that stated that there was an issue with guys who still lived with their parents. Now I see where this could be an unattractive especially if they guy had never lived outside the home and had never supported his self. But what if the tables were turned and the parents had moved in with the son? Does that make a difference?

What is a young professional?

Over these past few years I have heard people talk about young professionals (YP) but never considered myself to be one. A few weeks ago I was at a meeting and the term was brought up again. It made me wonder, “What exactly is a young professional?” My definition of an YP is a young adult who has a professional job. According to that definition I am not one. I have become a professional volunteer! Others consider any young adult who is on a professional track to be considered an YP. So, graduate students and folks with white collar jobs would be considered as YP alongside young adults working in professional fields such as medicine (Doctors) and engineering (Mechanical Engineer). However, all young adults are not considered to be young professionals. What is the deciding factor then?

Anywho, I need to get on becoming this young professional (whatever that means) before I get to old to be considered one. I have a plan that is coming along slow but steady. Circumstances and opportunities are leading me to go into a direction that wasn’t my original plan. They were my safety but now it is making more sense to go that route. But you know me I don’t always go the easiest route. Stay tuned to see how it turns out.

Quarter Life Crisis

It just hit me over the past few weeks that I will be turning 25 this upcoming year. Now it is nothing to be sad about but the way it snuck up me has been a little overwhelming. There is so much to look forward to such as not having to pay extra when renting a car (I haven’t rented a car in over a year), being old enough to attend exclusive grown and sexy events (Lol, not likely at all) and my car insurance will drop once again (I hope it is lowered more than 5 dollars)!

I think a lot of it has to do with the obstacles (not really obstacles) I am facing during my final year as an AmeriCorps member. I am struggling with my finances more than in the past. One would assume that it would be easier being closer to my hometown and not having to drive to work. But for some reason it hasn’t been. I am confident that l will find a way to make ends meet once again. My life has been filled with many blessings so I have faith that it will all work out.

The experiences I am having at this site far outweigh any financial worries I have. It will all work out and be worth it in the end. You sacrifice a little to gain a lot. A sacrifice of no cable or internet and a little possible debt is nothing compared to the opportunities that could come from my experiences as a VISTA.

Forgettable

Have people ever made you feel invisible? There were a few times in college that I felt invisible or unmemorable. I attended a majority institution which means there were not a lot of people who looked like me. Even if I didn’t know certain people personally, I did recognize them. I mean there are people I have recognized that I never talked to on television or Facebook and they were of a different race. There are two particular instances where other black females introduced themselves to me after we had already interacted with each other. One girl and I had just conversed the previous day in the same location. Her reintroduction confused me to the point that I froze for a second before responding to her. The second girl and I were in a group of about seven people who watch The WIZ at screen on the green freshman year. We played taboo and took a few pictures that were later posted online. So when she reintroduced herself to me a couple of years later I just came out and told her we already knew each other. : /

On the flip side, there have been times that I wanted to be invisible such as trips to Wal-Mart in my hometown. I despise seeing people I haven’t talked to in years at the store. I have gotten use to going to stores and not recognizing anyone. So returning to my hometown store and knowing the cashier bothers me at times.

Oh well, I guess I cannot be picky about who recognizes me or not. I know once you get to know me I am unforgettable. ; )

No wedding bells ringing over here

A few weeks ago I received my first wedding invitation. I had become worried weeks before that I wasn’t invited because I hadn’t received an invite. For some reason I expected the invitation to come 4-6 months before the wedding. Anyway, this will be the first wedding I have attended as an adult. The first and only weding I attended was my first cousins wedding over ten years ago. Correction: I have attended another wedding. It took place in August outside in south Arkansas. The cake was sweating!

Over the past year or so I have been a little bummed about not being a wedding guest. Every time I log onto facebook someone is getting hitched, in a wedding, or traveling to one and I haven’t been a part of it. When I thought about it, my attendance would not have made sense because I was not close to any of the people tying the knot but I still felt left out. Why aren’t any of my friends getting hitched?? I know we are all pretty young (some more than others) but when I compare us to folks I graduated with from high school, we are behind. Out of 14 students who graduated summa cum laude from my high school in 2005, only four of us are not married or engage (I am making an assumption about one guy). I pointed that fact out to my pastor the other day during a discussion about marriage. It started off with him asking me out of the blue when I am getting married. (Now I have been asked this question frequently lately and it catches me off guard every time.) After I looked at him crazily, I threw back at him “don’t you need someone to marry first?” That was followed by him stating that he does not really picture me getting married and I agreed. Marriage is not something I am against. I would love to find that special someone for me but I just don’t see it happening. Having a significant other to show off to others is not a driving force in my life. Plus, I am not easily impressed. Let me rephrase, what impresses most folks does not impress me. I am real low maintenance. You know some people are always on the search for a partner and then there are those who have no problem finding someone. Well I am neither one of those people. My pastor said something to the effect that most black men are intimidated by intelligent women. I’m not sure if I agree or not. It always makes me a little uncomfortable when someone refers to me as intelligent but that’s for another post. That statement also makes me uncomfortable because it can leave someone to assume that women who are married are not as intelligent and I know that is not true. But what is it? I remember reading that young black people who are going the professional route have a mindset of getting everything together before getting married whereas their counterparts, be it white young professionals or other young black people, get married sooner and build their lives together.

Nevertheless, I am excited about attending this wedding. But after thinking about my feelings of being left out of the wedding brigade, I am not ready for my friends to tie the knot because I can’t afford it! I still owe a baby shower gift for baby JAS who is close to a month old and a house warming gift to the sweet LW. I haven’t forgot about ya’ll!

Hello again, I am unkindred hart and I suffer from social anxiety. This is a self diagnosis and it isn’t something I particularly want to change. It is just a quirk that I am aware of about myself and wish others would respect.

Being around a group of people who are not my friends or immediate family in a social setting makes me very anxious. Large parties, church, and family reunions are a few examples of places I am not comfortable. When church is over I head for the nearest exit because the socializing after service seems awkward and forced to me.

A couple of weeks ago a fellow church member asked me if I would help gather names of college students after service. When I told him probably not he was taken aback and must have assumed I was worried about it taking up my time because he replied that it wouldn’t take that much time. However, I was not worried about how long it would take, I am uncomfortable socializing and soliciting people I am not close to. I felt bad that I did not help gather the names because I love to help out where needed but I know what my strengths and weakness. Giving off an opening and welcoming vibe to the students is not my cup of tea.

Some people say “Why not work on your weakness?” I would rather focus on my strengths and allow those who are strong in that area to shine. For example, if the college ministry at my church wanted to have an event for the students I would do great at planning the event whereas it would fit into the strengths of others to invite the students to attend.

I think I read in the book Strength Finder 2.0 that people should stop focusing so much on improving their weakness and start to build upon their strengths. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t work on things we aren’t good at (I am going to keep cooking) but it shouldn’t be our main focus. Learn yourself and build your strengths.