Hi, My name is ...

and I am a homebody.


I would much rather hang out with my friends in the confines of someone's house rather than go out for a number of reasons.

1. Going out is expensive!

I don't understand going out to hang out with friends in a loud place were you have to pay to get in, pay for drinks by the glass, leave a tip, pay for parking, etc. when you can buy a bottle for the same price as a glass and actually hear each other at someones house. Then you don't' have to worry about anyone drinking or driving or embarrassing you out in public.

2. I don't like large groups of people

...except for people watching which can lead to me getting in trouble by talking about them.

3. Rude, Drunk, and/or Obnoxious people who I don't know

They just make the angry black woman in me come out in public.

4. Smoke!

It makes your hair and clothes stink. More importantly you can die from second hand smoke! If I ever get diagnosed with lung cancer I would like the right to go around and punch every person I see smoking right in the throat.

Sometimes I feel like a Mammy...

most times I don't.

When working with small children (especially non-black children) I sometimes feel like a mammy caricature. Usually I have this feeling when I am consoling a child close to my chest (some mammies were wet nurses) or I am telling a child what to do in a stern tone (sometimes that's all they need in order to listen and it intimidates the people I'm working with more than the children).

I have had conflicting feelings in the past when the thought of being a mammy has crossed my mind. Should I stop what I'm doing because of the negative images that surround the mammy caricature (ugly, obese, nonsexual, more loyal to others than her family)? Or should I keep doing what I'm doing because I'm good with the kids and no one is having these thoughts but me? I choose the later the majority of the time.

The question I now ask is why does that thought even cross my mind?

Check out this site about black caricatures. I find it really interesting and would love to visit the museum.

http://www.ferris.edu/jimcrow/mammies/

No, they aren't invited...

and it's not because I don't like them. I just want to be around people I know I enjoy.

Right now I am having a dilemma over organizing an outing. I do not believe in inviting people I'm not close with to a get to gather I am putting on. For example, last year I invited some people over to my apartment for game night. I only invited people that I have a connection with one on one. Some of my friends thought that I should have invited other people who usually hung out with us (at events I did not organize) . I disagreed because my only connection with the people were our association with the same friends. Just because we have the same friends does not mean that we are friends. That does not mean that I dislike the person, we just are not friends.

Currently the situation is more complicated. The only people I know in town are my co-workers and I would love to hang out with some of them outside of work but not all of them. Once again, this does not mean I do not like the ones who I don't want to hang out with, I just don't want to hang out with them outside of work for various reasons. I'm sure they feel the same way about me and that does not bother me.

Anyway, the problem is that some of the people I want to hang out with want to invite everyone. One of my coworkers said "I like to be inclusive". Sorry, I don't. Why would I spend my free time around people I don't want to be around if I have a choice. I don't put my self in those situations. I know what I like and what I don't like (i.e. I don't like being around smoke so I don't go to sports bars or clubs). So I have decided that I will not invite anyone. (Sorry guys bowling night is off.)

Please believe that when a major event happens in my life (get married (hopefully) , have a baby shower (hopefully) etc.) only people I want to invite will be invited. I refuse to feel obligated to invite someone because we are in the same organization, work with each other, related, etc. I want to share special events in my life with special people in my life and a night of bowling is special to me.