Breaking one "negative" cycle may lead to the start of another one

Ever since I was 15 I have celebrated internally reaching another birthday without becoming a mother. Various family members had children when they were in their teens including my mother. After high school I celebrated internally being one of the few black cheerleaders who didn't have a child soon after graduating.


Now I am wondering if I am starting a new cycle - single, educated, black woman with no kids. Each birthday I reach now I will sulk at the thought of having no kids or family. Hopefully I can break that cycle to and start a socially positive one.

I don't want to be no educated fool

"Look at them, they have all that education but are some of the biggest fools I know."

"She has all that book smarts but no common sense at all."


Growing up I have heard a number of people described this way. I can't say I didn't agree at times. Some of the smartest (book smart) people I have run across have very little knowledge of what others find to be common sense. I don't think that they are always clueless to the issues. They become so focused on having knowledge from a book they they miss the opportunities to learn from the streets and life. Life experiences are more interesting and a useful teaching tool than any book can provide.

Sometimes the comments above are said out of jealously but most of the time they are true. People get a little bit of education, money, or both and think of themselves better than others. Now I know some people may say I act that way but it has nothing to do with education. I just don't like fooling with folks, especially trifling folks be it if they are white, black, young, old, rich, poor, etc. I judge you on your personality not what you have (LOL).

Anyway, I hope to never become some educated fool. I want to stay connected to people on a human, personal level and not feel the need to elevate my self above others. However, sometimes that is hard. (I know this may seem a little condescending). There have been times when people have treated me a certain way because of what they assume about me. When that happens I want to shout to them what I have achieved compared to what they have. Then I calm down and think about how shallow that is and move on.

So, how do you view your self and how do you want to be viewed by others? Sorry for the rambling!

Hi, My name is ...

and I am a homebody.


I would much rather hang out with my friends in the confines of someone's house rather than go out for a number of reasons.

1. Going out is expensive!

I don't understand going out to hang out with friends in a loud place were you have to pay to get in, pay for drinks by the glass, leave a tip, pay for parking, etc. when you can buy a bottle for the same price as a glass and actually hear each other at someones house. Then you don't' have to worry about anyone drinking or driving or embarrassing you out in public.

2. I don't like large groups of people

...except for people watching which can lead to me getting in trouble by talking about them.

3. Rude, Drunk, and/or Obnoxious people who I don't know

They just make the angry black woman in me come out in public.

4. Smoke!

It makes your hair and clothes stink. More importantly you can die from second hand smoke! If I ever get diagnosed with lung cancer I would like the right to go around and punch every person I see smoking right in the throat.

Sometimes I feel like a Mammy...

most times I don't.

When working with small children (especially non-black children) I sometimes feel like a mammy caricature. Usually I have this feeling when I am consoling a child close to my chest (some mammies were wet nurses) or I am telling a child what to do in a stern tone (sometimes that's all they need in order to listen and it intimidates the people I'm working with more than the children).

I have had conflicting feelings in the past when the thought of being a mammy has crossed my mind. Should I stop what I'm doing because of the negative images that surround the mammy caricature (ugly, obese, nonsexual, more loyal to others than her family)? Or should I keep doing what I'm doing because I'm good with the kids and no one is having these thoughts but me? I choose the later the majority of the time.

The question I now ask is why does that thought even cross my mind?

Check out this site about black caricatures. I find it really interesting and would love to visit the museum.

http://www.ferris.edu/jimcrow/mammies/

No, they aren't invited...

and it's not because I don't like them. I just want to be around people I know I enjoy.

Right now I am having a dilemma over organizing an outing. I do not believe in inviting people I'm not close with to a get to gather I am putting on. For example, last year I invited some people over to my apartment for game night. I only invited people that I have a connection with one on one. Some of my friends thought that I should have invited other people who usually hung out with us (at events I did not organize) . I disagreed because my only connection with the people were our association with the same friends. Just because we have the same friends does not mean that we are friends. That does not mean that I dislike the person, we just are not friends.

Currently the situation is more complicated. The only people I know in town are my co-workers and I would love to hang out with some of them outside of work but not all of them. Once again, this does not mean I do not like the ones who I don't want to hang out with, I just don't want to hang out with them outside of work for various reasons. I'm sure they feel the same way about me and that does not bother me.

Anyway, the problem is that some of the people I want to hang out with want to invite everyone. One of my coworkers said "I like to be inclusive". Sorry, I don't. Why would I spend my free time around people I don't want to be around if I have a choice. I don't put my self in those situations. I know what I like and what I don't like (i.e. I don't like being around smoke so I don't go to sports bars or clubs). So I have decided that I will not invite anyone. (Sorry guys bowling night is off.)

Please believe that when a major event happens in my life (get married (hopefully) , have a baby shower (hopefully) etc.) only people I want to invite will be invited. I refuse to feel obligated to invite someone because we are in the same organization, work with each other, related, etc. I want to share special events in my life with special people in my life and a night of bowling is special to me.

White people are watching you...

Does that thought ever cross your mind and cause you to react in a different way or choose something else? This weekend I watched Wanda Sykes comedy show on HBO. She made some jokes about black people stopping themselves from doing certain things (i.e. buying a whole watermelon, Michelle Obama twisting her neck) because white people may be watching them.

It made me think "Do I do that?" Maybe I should because sometimes I say things I should not. LOL

What do you think? What are somethings that make you think "they are watching me"?

Don't lie to kids

People lie to small children everyday for a few reasons.

1. It is an easy way to get a child to do what you want them to do. (They are to lazy to explain the truth to the child.)
   
2. They don't think the kid can handle the truth.
3. They don't want to discipline the child
4. It is an easy way to entertain a child
   

There are probably other reasons people lie to children but these are the ones that I think of first. I bring this issue up because of an experience I had last week at my job. I work with small children in the dark. We use red rope lights to bring some light in the room that will not disturb the dilation of their eyes. I was working with another co worker and we had a class of 4 year olds who couldn't keep their hands off the lights. My co worker told them it was hot lava while I told them to please leave my lights alone (please notice I said told them and not asked). I was concentrating on taking pictures and kept stepping on the lights. It was mentioned to me to stop stepping on the lights because they are hot. I didn't have the time or patience to worry about where I was stepping and said that the hot lava lights don't burn me. Then a little boy said "fire doesn't burn me either". I started to imagine that little boy at home touching the stove and getting burned. That's what happen when you lie to kids! They believe you and do stupid stuff or believe dumb things into their teenage/adult years and when they realize that it is not true they feel like a fool (I'm speaking from personal experience).

Now I'm not saying that people should not encourage kids to use their imagination. Imagination is a great thing to have. It makes people interesting. I think I have a very active imagination. I make up back stories about people all the time from strangers to close friends. (My stories are very believable and I start to believe them at times - maybe they are the truth and I have a gift.)

There are two instances in my childhood where an adult lied to me with no ill intentions that lead me to do something really dumb.

Example 1: Quarter trick gone bad
When I was around 5 or 6 my aunt did a quarter trick with me where she pretended to put a quarter through one ear and take it out the other. I remember sitting on the couch eating popcorn one day watching a show on Nickelodeon and seeing someone do the same trick. I was inspired to try it but all I had in arms reach was my popcorn. So I stuck a piece of popcorn in my ear and pushed it as far as I could. I was amazed when it didn't come out the other ear. I also began to imagine it floating between my ears surrounded by red veins and fluid. Once I realized that the popcorn wouldn't go any further I told my mom and she took me to the emergency room where they used a syringe to shoot water in my ear and soften the pop corn so it could slide out. If only she would have told me it was a trick!

Example 2: Milk IS a liquid
I had a bad experience with milk in primary school and decided to only use it in cereal. When the cereal was gone I would pour the rest of the milk down the drain. When I was an adolescent I spent the night at another aunts house. In the morning my cousin and I had cereal and I went to pour the milk down the drain. My aunt then informed me that milk will clog the drain. From that day on I would go out of my way not to clog the drain with milk. In the middle of winter I would go out in the freezing cold to pour my milk in the yard. Later I started to cheat and pour the milk down the sink hoping that it wouldn't clog it. Finally a few years ago (senior year of high school or freshman year of college) I realized that milk is a liquid! I felt like an idiot. If only she would have told me to drink the milk because she said so instead of lying to me. I could have gotten sick going out in my night gown in the cold to pour out my milk. (haha)

I vow to not lie to children or adults for that matter. You never know what you tell them may lead them to do.

I know it isn't right...

but I'm not comfortable with some black professional women such as therapist and doctors.

Someone told me that I am a victim of white supremacist thinking that black professionals are not able to perform as well as whites. That is not the case.

It has nothing to do with my perception of the ability of black women to do their job well. I have friends who are/will be black professional women and I support them all the way. My issue stems from a fear of judgment. I would rather be judged by someone who does not look like me than someone who does.

Shoot, I feel like they (non-blacks, more specifically white people) are doing it any way and I don't care. But I do care when another black woman judges me or looks down on me. It hurts a lot more than some white man does. I know it is twisted but it is how I feel.

There are a couple things that I believe have caused me to feel this way.

1. There are no black doctors, lawyers, dentist, etc. from my neck of the woods. If there were, I was not aware of them. The majority of the black professionals I grew up knowing were involved in education. So having a doctor who is not a white male is a new phenomenon for me.
2. Another thing that I believe caused my uncomfortableness with black female doctors or therapist is rejection I have encountered from my own people in different aspects of my life. That is something that cuts deep and will be the subject of a future post.
   

Black women, are you judging me now? I have revealed my true thoughts with you and it was hard because of my fear that you are looking down on me. Now do you understand? As for the rest of you, it doesn't bother me as much.

Introducing...

THE MISEDUCATION OF AN UNKINDRED HART!
(thanks to Amber for her creativity)

Now I bet everyone is thinking "What the hell does that mean?" I had to look up the words myself to make sure I understood what it meant.

So what do I mean by miseducation?

Well this blog is an outlet for me to share my random thoughts and my opinion about different issues and subjects in the world. It is my chance to educate people though my lens. According to people that know me well, the lens I use to view the world are a lot different from others. Maybe it isn't a lot different from what others think but it is different from what they are willing to admit out loud.

The definition of miseducaiton is to educate improperly. However, my way of thinking isn't improper, it is just different. You may think it is off the wall at first but once you think about it you realize it is true!

Unkindred?

Encarta.msn.com defines kindred spirit as
somebody like you in character: somebody who resembles somebody else in character, interests, and temperament.

My character, interest and temperament is very unkindred compared to the people I am surrounded by at home, at work, etc. (My world consist of mostly home and work) I'm not your normal twenty something. I am a unique old soul and if you know somebody else like me you should be very afraid.

Please enjoy the miseducation of an unkindred hart.